Native American Metaphor

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between the two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

And the man replied, "The one you feed!"

The Pocket Coach for Parents

This is another book that has truly changed my life.

I met the author at a course I took in Bellingham, WA that we both participated in. She's the real deal! And she's been such an inspiration to me because she herself raised a really smart and intense child. She's a fantastic mentor and role model for parents struggling with all kinds of child-rearing issues. I have multiple copies of her books and loan them out.

The book is called "The Pocket Coach for Parents - Your two-week guide to a dramatically improved life with your intense child" by Tina Feigal, M.S. Ed and it's available at Amazon.com

Tina helps adults deal with intense children so they can act from their values of compassion and kindness, without giving in to unreasonable requests. She offers an approach that deeply honors the child while holding firm limits, giving both adults and children a secure framework in which to thrive.

www.nurturedheart.com

Where to find help on a difficult day!

I read parenting books and have received so much advice; but the more I read, the more questions I have and the more frustrated I become. However, I feel I have greatly expanded my awareness since reading "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. If you don't have much time to read because you're parenting an exceptional child, her website is a great place to scavenge for tips: http://www.parentchildhelp.com/

The Sunlight Following Me

We are in the car driving to preschool. We round the first corner when the screaming begins. "Mommy, the sun is following me! Make it stop! Mommy? Make it stop!" demands Xavier, who is now almost 4 years old. I calmly explain that Mommy doesn't control the sun, and I offer the suggestion to use a book to shade his face. The whining and complaining goes on; but I continue to speak calmly, because to ignore him is to ask for more intensity. He will only scream louder. I sing a cheery children's song about "Mr Sun", but an attempt to change the mood only makes him angry. "STOP SINGING! I DON'T LIKE IT!" he screams. I remember when Xavier was just an infant, before we had a vehicle with tinted windows. If a gentle ray of light swept across his arm or foot, he would shriek at the top of his lungs. It didn't have to be in his eyes. He would turn wild as I observed and listened with amazement. I would ask myself, "What do I do? Why is this happening?"

Spirited kids are like roses - they need special care. And sometimes you have to get past the thorns to truly enjoy their beauty. (1)

On a good day, Xavier is satisfied with a conversation about why something is a certain way. I smile knowing that my bright little boy is just sorting things out, always making life interesting. On a bad day, I can't do anything right. I feel sad. Self-doubt creeps in. Sometimes another parent will unkowingly push me past the threshold with a stare, glare, or comments as my son clutches my leg, growling and cross. When Xavier is at his worst, I sometimes cry, but it's slowly getting easier. I understand that his intensity, sensitivity, persistence, and drama are normal for his temperment. Through understanding his temperment, I can be more helpful. I don't see his intensity as a negative trait. I understand he is normal, only, more! (1) He is, at times, spectacular! He can sometimes be perceived as "difficult", but he has always just needed more than a lot of other kids. He always has. Even in the womb, he was feisty all day and all night long. He nursed far more often than a lot of babies and was alert all the time (turned on by life, I say). I like Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's metaphor for what Xavier means to me. He's the most fantastic and stunning rose in the garden - "Its blooms are so vibrant they stir my soul."(1)